The Return
by Dog On the Moon
Summary: Sirius returns to Remus' home and they talk over firewhiskey. Oneshot.


A/N: Well if it wasn't apparent I have completely failed my Lenten resolution. Ah well, I'm still writing. And I've been working on this one for a while. And it's not even that long, shame on me… But annnnywho… Yeah. Enjoy this story!

It was both a surprise and completely expected.

The great black dog was curled up on the porch of Remus' small house its snout resting on its front paws. When it heard the footsteps the ears twitched and one eye opened up as the tail started to thump gently against the wood of the porch.

"I should have known you'd show up one of these days, eh Pads?" Remus gave the dog a tired smile as he opened the door and went inside, leaving the door open for Padfoot. He was too tired to care and Sirius would surely have the sense to close the door behind him. Exhausted, he made his way across the room and collapsed into the couch, running his hands through his hair, leaning back and closing his eyes.

From the other side of the room he could hear the sounds of claws clicking on wood followed by the closing of the door and then boots crossing the room. He only opened his eyes at the creak of couch springs and the feeling of someone else sitting down.

Sirius looked a little better than last time the two had seen each other. He was clean-shaven again, it seemed as though he had managed to wash himself and his hair had been cut (although from the choppy and hasty look of it that had been Sirius' own handiwork). However, he was just as thin and emaciated, his face still looked dead and wasted apart from those alert storm grey eyes staring back at him.

"Nice to see you again, Moony," Sirius broke the silence finally, a ghost of the old smile forming on his lips, "You're looking…." He paused, looking Remus over as if trying to think of the right word to say.

"Tired." Remus finished for him, and Sirius nodded.

"Aren't we all these days?" Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking around the room and then back over his shoulder towards the kitchen area, "Got anything to drink?" He asked, craning his neck as if he would be able to see it from where he was sitting.

"There's some firewhiskey in the cupboard to the left of the sink," Remus said and almost before he was finished Sirius was up and moving towards the specified cupboard. The werewolf sighed and leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes again, he was actually about ready to doze off right then and there but he couldn't. Not just yet while Sirius was here. It had been such a long time since the two of them had properly talked. The last time he had actually seen the other man had been that night when Sirius came back near the beginning of summer. They had exchanged a few letters but apart from that they had barely had any contact whatsoever.

Not that he was upset at all that Sirius had come back. How could he be upset to see the man he loved and -even though he had never been able to say it before- had missed so much these past… Actually tonight it would make it thirteen years since that fateful night…

Remus was broken out of his reverie by the sound of two glasses clinking down on the table in front of the couch. A bottle was uncorked and he opened his eyes to see Sirius pouring the amber liquid into the two glasses, picking up his own and handing one to Remus before sitting back down, closer to him now. He watched as he other man took a sip of the fiery liquid, wincing.

"Merlin it's been such a long time since I've had a proper drink," Sirius' face twisted as he took another drink.

"Would imagine bars aren't so inclined to serve dogs…" Remus observed, half smiling at Sirius who let out an appreciative but harsh snort.

"And it's not like I could just waltz into the Leaky Cauldron. With all those posters hanging everywhere and the dementors on my tail. It's as if they don't like me or something," It was hard to tell if Sirius was joking or being serious although he looked a little too bitter as he stared into the little whiskey remaining in the bottom of his glass.

Remus didn't say anything much in response, instead he reached out and picked up the bottle and refilled Sirius' glass. What could he really say? 'Sorry you got locked up? I thought you were guilty too…' No, of course he couldn't say that. Still looking rather morose Sirius mumbled, 'Thanks…'

After another few moments of silence Sirius broke it once again, "So what about you Remus?" He asked, looking back up and doing his best to smile at the werewolf, "See that you moved, this place seems nice."

Remus nodded, looking around the house, "Better than the last one," He sad, "Dumbledore's been very good to me." Since he had resigned the Headmaster had been supportive, continuing to provide Remus with the money he would need as a practically unemployable werewolf, "How'd you find this place anyway?"

Sirius chuckled, "The dogs in the village said you're always willing to help out a stray. Especially big black dogs like me… Miss me?" He teased, the old 'Sirius' smirk curling up the corners of his lips as Remus looked away from his once so handsome face.

How could he not have missed Sirius? Even though he really hadn't wanted to admit it to anyone, no one could know that he honestly missed that convicted murderer, a fact which he believed to be true until he had seen evidence to the contrary. He had never admitted it to anyone but there was not one day during those twelve long years that he didn't think about the other man. It was painful and he would have rather forgotten Sirius, it would have saved him many sleepless nights drowned in firewhiskey and old memories of the happy times.

"I did…." Remus sighed, running a hand through his graying hair. Even after years he knew that he would never be able to lie to Sirius, he never had been able to. Not since first year when the lies about his condition started to unravel. From then on all his friends seemed to have been able to develop this intrinsic lie-detecting sense, Padfoot in particular was very adept at weeding out whenever his werewolf friend tried to lie to them about anything, "But it hurt…" His voice was quiet and he wasn't even sure if Sirius had heard it, given his mostly impassive face, apart from the slight clenching of his jaw, "I missed all of you…"

There was another pause. Neither man seemed willing to meet the other's eyes. It looked as though Sirius was trying to think of something to say, they were so very close to that touchy and difficult subject.

"Hey, Moony, would you fix my hair?"

Remus blinked, thrown by the complete and total non-sequiter, "What?"

"My hair, you know," Sirius gripped at it, "It's all uneven…" He looked at the lock pinched between his forefinger and thumb distastefully, "You don't have to cut it all or anything, just even it out. Please?"

Typical Sirius… Of course the other man would just throw the conversation off the tracks just to avoid the rather painful topic of Lily and James' deaths.

Remus sighed, shaking his head slightly at the way Sirius was acting, "Yeah I'll do it," He pushed himself up from the table, setting down his glass. He really wished that he could try to talk to Sirius about what had happened. It had been twelve damn years; they had barely even mentioned it. Remus barely had talked to anyone about it either. And now that Sirius had returned he hoped that they would be able to at least mention it. But if Sirius was going to hide from it he supposed he would allow him. For the moment.

"Come on, I'm not cutting your hair on my couch," He gently attempted to rouse the other man who sighed but got up as well.

A few minute later Sirius was sitting in one of the two wooden chairs near the small table. Remus held a chunk of Sirius' hair in the fingers of one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. He could have done this with his wand but he wasn't sure he trusted himself like that.

As he smoothed the other man's hair back he couldn't help but think back on the way he used to run his fingers through Sirius long soft hair years go. They had been so much better-off then, they had Lily, James and Peter. They had each other, it had been like a family… Now all that was left were the broken shards of old memories.

"So… What was being a professor at Hogwarts like?" Sirius asked as Remus began to cut his hair, making sure that all the strands of it were even.

"It was… Well I really enjoyed it. You know I always kind of wanted to be a professor and being back at Hogwarts was…. I actually felt at home." Remus admitted, throughout most of his childhood he always considered Hogwarts his home more than his actual family home. He didn't regret quitting, working there had been far too dangerous for both the students and Professor Dumbledore. He couldn't possibly put anyone's lives in jeopardy more than he already had. However, Hogwarts really was and probably always would be his home.

Sirius chuckled, "You would enjoy being a professor…. Responsible Remus," He teased, then sighed, "Miss the place myself…" He looked over at the window, "So what's Harry like?" He asked, looking over his shoulder, causing Remus to miss the lock of hair that he was trying to cut and cut unevenly

With a slightly exasperated sigh Remus fixed the mistake but his face softened a bit, "Just like his parents," He said, "Very clever and brave and kind," He said then added, "But of course he's got a bit of a rebellious streak as well."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Sirius smiled, "Not for James Potter's son," He tilted his head to the side, "He's in the Tournament…" Something almost akin to worry was creeping into his voice.

"I know, it's been in all the papers," Remus said, straightening Sirius' head gently with one hand, "Even the Quibbler ran a story about how the tournament was just a plot for Fudge to get more people into his vampire cult or something like that…"

Sirius snorted, "Ah I've missed the Quibbler…" He mused, "He'll be alright. If he could take on 50 dementors he'll be alright in the Tri-Wizard Tournament," He nodded, talking more to himself than to Remus now.

"Sirius Black if you don't stop moving your head I swear I will lop both of your ears off," Remus huffed, exasperated as he once again moved Sirius' head.

"Ah sorry Remus. I'll try to keep still."

"It's fine…" He rolled his eyes at the other man who was now clearly doing his best to avoid any more fidgeting.

Another few minutes passed on with the only noise being the sound of scissors slicing hair. Remus was thinking now, about the way that Sirius had avoided talking about Lily and James before. It sort of bothered him to be honest. He wanted to talk about it… He needed to talk about it. It was the anniversary after all…

"Sirius…" He started out quietly.

"Hmm?"

Taking a deep breath Remus steeled himself but once again Sirius cut him off.

"So how's Moony doing?" He asked, "Wolf-Moony I mean?" Despite the earlier warning he turned his head to look up into his face.

Remus was taken aback by the question, and he had to stop and think for a moment before responding, "A bit better. I mean, it could never be going well but the Wolfsbane potion's improving it I suppose," Not nearly as good as having friends around but it was less painful and he was very slightly less dangerous while on the potion than he was normally.

"That's good…" Sirius' face was falling back once again, back towards that dark look he had had before, every time the conversation strayed towards a serious subject, "I worried about you. I could see the moon form my cell and every full moon I'd always wonder if you were OK…" He admitted.

"Well. I survived…" Remus ruefully smiled and Sirius nodded. More silence followed and Remus continued to cut Sirius' hair, "Sirius…?" Remus started once again, now ready to ask he decided.

"Yes?" He glanced over his shoulder.

"Before… You just…"

"What?"

"Lily and James you didn't…"

"You want to know why I didn't want to talk about them?" Sirius seemed to understand what Remus was trying to say. He let out a sigh, turning away from Remus yet again. For a moment he said nothing but then, "Remus… This is the first Halloween since… Since that night that I haven't been alone and I didn't… I…" He trailed off, "Halloween was always been the worst…"

Remus nodded but Sirius continued.

"Every Halloween I'd always… I'd always remember. And…" There was a quaver in his voice and it sounded like he had to force himself to keep his voice even, "People said the dementors didn't affect me… Should've seen me every October 31st… Even full moons were different."

Remus' hands had stilled as he stared down at Sirius. The man's shoulders were shaking slightly now and he leaned forward with his elbows pressed to his knees and his face resting on his hands.

"Because I always though about you and James and Lily and… The dementors took the opportunity to feed… And every time I'd… I'd…" He paused to take a deep breath, steadying himself, "And you'd be screaming during a transformation… And… I'd be…" He stopped himself and Remus was stunned to see a tear splash to the floor. His shoulders were shaking hard now, "Then I'd be… I'd be in Godric's Hollow… And James'd be d-dead and cold… And Harry… He'd cry because… Because his mother wouldn't…" He couldn't go on any more. Quiet sobs were starting to shake his emaciated frame and Remus could almost feel his heart breaking.

Gently Remus set the scissors on the table next to them and he reached out, placing a hand on Sirius' cheek and turning his face sideways so he could kiss the man. He was surprised as he felt his old love throw his arms around him desperately. The tears were starting to fall faster and he wasn't even able to say anything he was shaking so hard. Remus himself felt the stinging prickle behind his own eyes but for the moment he held back, wanting to, needing to be strong for Sirius.

"Shhhh… It's Ok…" He mumbled into Sirius' now cropped hair. The other man didn't say anything but he let out a small whimper and Remus could feel his fingers tighten their grip on his shirt. He continued to mumble quiet and comforting words into Sirius' ear.

It took Sirius almost half an hour to stop crying. After he had finally stopped shaking he just leaned on Remus, clinging to him and taking deep breaths.

"Sorry…" He murmured, "I just…."

"You don't need to say anything, I understand…" Remus shook his head, still holding the other man close. Sirius nodded his head as he rested it against Remus' shoulder.

For quite a while there was silence. Neither man really felt the need to talk, all that needed to be said for the evening had been said and now all they had to do was just be here together. Finally.

Eventually Sirius asked if they could go to bed and Remus complied. Letting go of the other man he pulled him up and the two made their way back to his bedroom. As Remus was getting ready for bed Sirius was snooping around the room, as was his nature.

When the werewolf returned to his bedroom he found his friend staring at an old picture, looking as though he was going to cry again. Upon closer inspection the picture was one of the four Marauders back in their school days, James was grinning proudly at the camera and laughing, his glasses slightly askew; Peter too looked rather pleased, occasionally looking around at his friends; Sirius had his arms around and lips pressed against Remus' temple; Remus blushed and waved at the camera sheepishly.

With a small sigh he gently removed the frame from Sirius, placing it back on the bedside table and pushed the other man back onto a pillow, "Just sleep Sirius…" He climbed into the bed as well, kissing the other man's forehead gently. He smiled ever so slightly as Sirius moved closer, wrapping his arms around Remus as he had done so often before. He closed his eyes and very soon the two of them had drifted off.

A/N: Finally I have finished this… Sheesh that took forever… And it wasn't even as good as I had hoped it would be. Oh well, I'm still publishing something… 


End file.
